🤝
this involves DEVELOPING YOUR DISCERNMENT AND DISCOMFORT TOLERANCE SKILLS! is that person morally evil or just not your cup of tea? are they trying to make you feel uncomfortable or are they also maybe a little nervous and doing their best?
we could really change the landscape of what community looks like if we open ourselves up to the idea of consistently offering respect and dignity to others even when we’re not dying to become their best friend, and joyfully sharing space with someone we might not ever know more than as an acquaintance. those are members of your community too!
this also allows for change over time- in the individual and in your own perspective and capacity for connection.
18h ago
Comments (2)
Make an account to reply.
I would not have my current friends if we all didn't give each other grace with random awkward moments when we were getting to know each other! Now they're my faves :)
17h ago
Related Recs
i think that being friends with people you may disagree with on some major things is ultimately a good thing.
if you only are friends with people you agree with you will be stuck in a silo and only be more drawn towards the views you already have. even if you disagree, seeing and understanding another persons perspective can bring a lot of insight to things you might not have thought about before.
beyond that if you understand their perspective and still disagree, diplomacy can help change their mind. you will almost never be able to change someone’s mind about something by refusing to engage or arguing with them. i wouldn’t say being diplomatic is the same as submission, because you can’t influence someone without being diplomatic. you can try to understand their perspective and then bring up pieces of your own experience that contradict it. if you trust someone and they describe experiencing something that contradicts your beliefs, there are definitely some questions that are raised in your mind.
obviously there are limits but i generally always have a very open mind even if i disagree with someone a lot. daryl davis did a great talk on this describing how he convinced multiple KKK leaders to leave.
May 27, 2025
🤝
it’s genuinely very hard for me to be mad at another person—unless they are genuinely being unreasonable and deliberately hurtful towards me. but even so, they usually have their own reasons
everyone’s allowed to live differently and make different decisions based on how they grew up and grew into the person they are, and i think understanding how inherently different we all are from each other is actually very important—not enough people grapple with that, we don’t actually sit down and comprehend that before reacting and objecting other people
i also think we need to be more comfortable with saying “i understand why you think this is the case, i just don’t agree with you, and that’s totally ok”
Oct 5, 2024
✊
I fully acknowledge my privilege this recommendation. I have the privilege to be able to build bridges because, though I am able to be dismissed because I'm a femme-presenting woman, I am much less viscerally threatened in general because I am white.
That being said, I feel like I have turned a new leaf in that I largely refuse to contribute to in-fighting discussions. In my mind, we are all in a race against the 1% but they have tricked us into thinking we are in a race with each other. I have decided to let go of the race. I have decided that whether they fear, pity, hate, whatever me, I'm going to value "the opposition" as people and when they are able to figure out who we should be actually fighting, I will be there happy to provide resources and supplies that I have in the aid of this goal. Until then, I'll be around.
The isolation that has been bred since long before I was born has just destroyed a sense of community, something that I yearn so much for. I know that people do things that bring me harm. For instance, I still take many COVID precautions and am part of two COVID safe communities. However, I know that the large majority of the population no longer cares and does, unwillingly or not, participate in a lack of overall health safety for me and my family, as well as their own safety. But I'm not going to isolate, I'm going to take precautions to continue to be part of community. I believe folding people in together is the only way forward.
My brother is a huge fan of Elon Musk, which is so gross and awful. I used to shut down conversations about this but I've decided to be open, honest, and present with him about this. I check Elon's behavior to him, let him know that I believe his actions are on purpose and that my brother is making nazi sympathizer choices with his thoughts and actions. I also let him know that when it's ready to fight, I want him to be on our side, which he states he would be (idk). That's all I can do. Keep communication open. Keep connection open. Make these sympathizers not fear "the others" because I am willing to participate and provide and talk.
Now, none of this means I'm willing to lay down as terrible beliefs ravage our society. I am still able to be critical of others choices and I will defend myself and my family against harm if need be. I just believe that the core of most of the harm and violence comes from the top. I believe that people are emotionally thrown for a loop when they come to a conversation with fear-based hostility and find community-based hospitality in response.
I will continue to advocate for the people who are being brutalized our community. I believe, however, that they need to hear us first. They need to see us as human, and I think part of that is showing them that we see them as human. Yes, flawed scared scapegoating humans that need to be held responsible for their actions if and when they participate in violence. I'm not talking about conceding or finding "common ground" in our beliefs beyond the basic humans need food water shelter (and love if they're about that). I may acknowledge their fear, the influences that they have been under, and the things surround their hate. I will try to come at it at as loving as a place as I can, always reminding myself that they were once babies shaped to view the world as this big scary thing filled with monsters, taught by the actual monsters who want to control everything.
Again, I'm only recommending this if you have the energy to do so. I think a lot of people have tried for years and then get burned out. I get that, I think getting stronger within your own community would help grow the ability to then reach outside and communicate. At the same time, my friend and I were talking about how some people are just "front of house" and some are "back of house" and the front of house people can be the ones interacting with society and the back of house can build the inside. We don't all have to do everything, let's find out strengths and build on those to get through, and maybe even past, the shit show we find ourselves living in today.
Jan 31, 2025
Top Recs from @beatrice222
✅
saying thank you to every single staff member on my way in and out !! excuse me please and thank you patrons for letting me squeeze past! i am just rolling in gratitude i love it here
Feb 25, 2024
🪵
an intuitively mindful activity that humans have been doing forever. despite its innate destruction i find myself feeling connected to the earth. some logs are harder to chop through if they have knots, even in death the tree’s commitment to self preservation is admirable.
Oct 8, 2024
🧄
moms making dinner :-)
Oct 8, 2024